Leave the punch bowl empty and over cook the cake to a dry state of being. If you could mold a few oranges and set them in a bowl or possibly apples that are past their prime and brown that would work too. Balloons should be monochrome, black or gray, half inflated and a little shriveled. Pop a few of them for good measure. Draw the drapes, dim the lights, do not play music unless it sounds like a shrieking rabbit, say maybe Stockhausen played on the wrong speed, LP with scratches preferred. Talking should be at a bare minimum and then either cower or dispatch a guest to the cellar if the din becomes unbearable. Drink plenty of martinis and give guests aspirins wrapped in tissue as party favors.